


How to Build A Family

by darringtons



Series: Queer Studies in Central City [1]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Asexuality Spectrum, Bisexual Barry Allen, Didn't Know They Were Dating, M/M, Queer Themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-15 02:52:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10548812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darringtons/pseuds/darringtons
Summary: He stopped trying to find the perfect labels a long time ago. Labels didn't always work.





	

Barry has been in love with Iris for as long as he can remember, for as long as he thought he knew what love was. He never felt about another girl the way he felt about her. He spent years, _years_ , trying to figure out a way to tell her without ruining everything. Even though he’s certain they’re perfect for each other, he’s still terrified she doesn’t feel the same.

College was a strange, eye opening experience. College was where he learned that it was okay to like boys too, and that maybe he did. Maybe he liked boys more than girls. (‘ _Bisexuality is perfectly normal and natural_ ’ someone had once said.)

But it wasn’t something he pursued much, not beyond casual dating and a few rocky sexual encounters. It wasn’t that the sex had been _bad_ , just… incompatible? It never felt right, and he had never really craved sexual attention anyway. (‘ _Asexual’_ had been a word brought up at one of the LGBT club meetings, and while he felt it might have described him, he felt about it the same way he felt about ‘ _bisexual’_ , that they just didn’t fit right.)

 

But after the particle accelerator explosion, after waking up from a 9-month coma, and becoming the Flash, things start to make sense in a way they hadn’t before.

Not at first. At first he’s just happy to be awake, _alive_ , and he wants more than anything to tell Iris how he feels. He’s wasted too much time already.

But

Well, that wasn’t going to work out, because Iris was with Eddie, and Barry actually liked Eddie, thinks they make a good couple. He can’t ruin that.

 

Cisco and Caitlyn and Dr. Wells became part of the family – at first just part of his makeshift family, but before long, they were being invited to West-Allen family gatherings, and it’s the best feeling he’s had in a long time.

 

And then, something unexpected happened. He realizes that the way he feels about Caitlyn is not so different from the way he feels about Iris. But he’s not in love with Caitlyn.

And maybe he’s not in love with Iris.

 

He starts dating again, even though it feels weird and he’s not even really sure he’s that into it. He likes Linda, but he wasn’t sure he could ever love her. And keeping the Flash from her makes him feel like the whole thing is not worth it.

He knows he’s supposed to keep the part of his life a secret, but not being able to share it with a person he might potentially love? What’s the point of being with someone if there’s this whole part of you you can’t share?

 

It starts as a fluttering in his stomach. Then it’s an uncontrollable smile, and a swell in his chest and,

Holy shit he might be in love with Cisco.

He might have been in love with Cisco for a while, and hadn’t even realized.

 

Cisco is constantly touching him, and it was something Barry never really noticed until now. His hands were _everywhere_.

He catches Cisco looking at him sometimes, in a way that he can’t find words to describe. Not staring, just watching, like there was really no point in looking at anything else (and sometimes he looks at Cisco that way too).

Maybe this isn’t totally doomed from the start.

 

Cisco was cool and calm, despite being sometimes awkward and almost-always over-active. But being with him, being _around_ him is easy. They watch movies, eat dinner, grab coffee – sometimes with Caitlyn or Iris or the group. They had been close almost since the day he woke up, but it was a while before he realized that they did _everything_ together. And it was never weird.

 

They argue over Star Trek, and arguing over their favorites is a pretty regular occurrence. There’s no heat behind it, but Cisco is as enthusiastic as always, and Barry can’t help but fall into his gaze, just watch him rant and flail.

And eventually, Cisco seems to realize that Barry isn’t participating anymore, so he falls quiet too, looking back at Barry with a slightly bemused smile on his face.

“Are we having a moment?” Cisco asks after a bit, throwing off any weirdness with the brand of cool only Cisco has. He hops to his feet and walks toward the kitchen to grab more popcorn. “We’re totally having a moment.”

“Yep,” Barry said after taking a second to recover. “But you ruined it, buddy. Moment’s gone.” He throws it off casually, like a joke, but that fluttering in his chest is still there.

Cisco returns with popcorn and beer and settles back into the couch next to Barry, offering him a smile before hitting resume on the TV.

Barry took a swig from the bottle, then, before he could talk himself out if it, he takes Cisco’s hand in his own and just holds it.

Cisco looks at him with a surprised little smile, and Barry returns with a smile of his own. No weirdness. Cisco’s whole face seems to light up like the sun and it’s _beautiful_.

They turn their attention back to the movie, but Barry doesn’t let go of his hand, and Cisco doesn’t either.


End file.
